When I close my eyes and daydream about 2025, I envision a wondrous, carefree future. Oh, the United States just invaded Canada? Sorry, I can’t be bothered by that right now. I’m deep into the third act of The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. RFK Jr. just inexplicably deadlifted a pony on live TV during a White House briefing on bird flu? I’ll get to that after I find out what’s in this promising locker from a 15-year-old Storage Wars rerun. Call it escapism. Call it...

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