Being unemployed is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to cope with. Not only did I have to deal with the financial impact of not receiving a paycheck on a regular basis, accepting lower paid temp work if I was lucky, but I also had to fight feeling like I had lost my person hood. I always dreaded the inevitable question “So, what do you do for a living?” Confessing my lack of a job was painful. To make matters worse, when I wanted to get away from the stress of job hunting and spend some time with my friends, the conversation always seemed to be centered on my job search. It seemed like my lack of a job made everyone else uncomfortable, and everyone had advice to give me. Most of it wasn't very helpful and just made me feel worse.
What are the worst things you can say to someone who is out of work and having a hard time finding a job? Here are a few things to avoid:
You just have to get out there and “beat the streets”- Although there are times when delivering your resume in person can be of benefit, almost all companies are posting their jobs online. I was surprised that even retail stores in the mall advise people who come in asking to fill out an application to visit their website. There is a great deal of job hunting that can be done with a computer and internet access. Just because the person isn't physically driving all over town, wasting their limited gas money and time putting in applications doesn't mean that they aren't working as hard as they can on finding a job. In any event, unless you are the person that is supporting them, you don't really have a place to criticize them. I know it feels like you are offering helpful advice when you say this, but when they hear it, it feels like you are accusing them of not working hard enough.
Have you thought about just applying at (fast food restaurant, retail store, waiting tables)?- This sort of suggestion is demeaning to any unemployed person. It is not that these jobs are bad or in any way a last resort, it is that if your friend has been employed for a number of years in a field very different than these, most of these employers aren't going to hire them anyway. Even fast food restaurants understand that someone that has been working as a computer programmer for ten years isn't going to be making a minimum wage job their new career. Most employers, especially minimum wage ones, aren't interested in spending the time and money it take to train a new employee, knowing from the outset that they will leave as soon as they get a better job offer. Minimum wage jobs are looking for applicants that are just entering the work force or have previous experience in the field. Not only that, trust me that your friend has considered and maybe even tried applying for many jobs below their skill level. This comment is basically telling a desperate person to lower their standards. They already have, believe me. It is much more helpful to keep an ear out for job openings in their field and suggest those to them.
Why don't you let me look over your resume? Maybe I can suggest some ways to spice it up?- This is another one of those well intentioned suggestions that are just all wrong. Unless you are a professional resume writer, don't think that you know better about what a resume should look like. If your friend has been actively searching for a job for any amount of time, they have already cleaned up their resume. It is better to just let them handle this. If you really want to be helpful and believe that they may need help with their resume, how about suggesting a professional resume writer or a free resume workshop at a community college?
There are many ways that you can offer support and help to an out of work friend, just try to avoid being judgmental or condescending. Offer them a meal, a night out, a job opening tip in their field or just a supportive listener. If you really want to help them, introduce them to your network, offer them a chance to have fun without feeling like a charity case and get creative with ways to make it easier for them to make their money stretch on their job search. Give them a hug and tell them that you understand what they are going through and it is hard. Really, really hard.
If you are unemployed, let me know what the worst things are that your friends have said to you.
By Melissa Kennedy- Melissa is a freelance writer and regular contributor to several websites and other publications, a volunteer, a full time mom and an active job seeker.
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