How To Get a Co-Worker to Apologize

“It’s sad, so sad, why can’t we talk it over,
Oh it seems to me, that sorry seems to be the hardest word.”

“Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word,” Elton John and Bernie Taupin


There is no way to avoid it. Workplace disputes or disagreements will happen. Differences in work habits, performance standards, values, judgments, priorities and time management are bound to result in minor skirmishes or all-out wars. If one party is right then the other must be wrong. Once the situation is ironed out, the issue of hurt feelings, wrong-doing or other personal issues remain. To bring closure and restore working relationships, an apology is in order.

Administrative assistants are often looked at as mediators and problem solvers, since they often have the pulse of the workplace and deal with staff and management alike. They are often the confidant of the offended and offender alike. While the work situation may be handled at another level, getting people to work harmoniously again may be left to you.

Tact and diplomacy are keys to restoring harmony. To be an effective mediator, you have to remain neutral, neither placing blame nor excusing negative behavior. Here are some tips if you are in the position, either by request from your boss or as part of your position, to encourage a co-worker to apologize.

1. If one or the other parties has approached you, make it clear that you will not take sides. Your only involvement would be to help restore harmony in the workplace.
2. Talk this over with your boss. He/she may have requested that you step in. If not, and the situation has become toxic, disturbing the work flow of the office, suggest that a meeting of the parties with a facilitator may settle the issue and let everyone move on.
3. Be sure of the facts. It is rare that there is one person who is 100% blameless and the other person 100% at fault. Both parties may have something to apologize for, and that makes it easier for them to come together.
4. Talk to the individuals separately. What are their expectations? What do they feel they need to bring this to closure? Often, all that is necessary is a sincere apology. Help them see their part in the situation and how it affected the other. Many people aren’t aware of how their actions affect others. Personalities and communication styles are often misinterpreted. Assure them of strict confidentiality and get their pledge as well.
5. Get the parties together in a private, neutral place. Set the stage and then let each person tell their side of the story. Most of disputes stem from misunderstanding, stress, or fatigue. Mutual apologies help each person save face and move on.

Mary Nestor-Harper, SPHR, is a consultant, blogger, motivational speaker and freelance writer for Administrativejobs.com. Based in Savannah, GA, her work has appeared in Training magazine, Training & Development magazine, Supervision, BiS Magazine and The Savannah Morning News. When she’s not writing, she enjoys singing Alto II with the Savannah Philharmonic Chorus and helping clients discover what they love and spend their life on it. You can read more of her blogs at administrativejobsblog.com and view additional job postings on Nexxt.