Dealing with Bullying - Part 3

My last two posts were dealing with the issue of bullying, and what someone in a teacher or educational faculty position could and should do to assist. We looked at what bullying is, and some of the ways of dealing with it that have been shown to have little to no effect, and suggested some other methods that newer studies have promoted.

Most all of us know the stereotypical bully story as we see it time and time again on TV and in movies. The bully is mean and bitter, but somewhere in the story, he gets touched down deep, and by the end of the story is shown to repent of his ways and becomes a not-so-bad guy after all. While this may seem like a storybook fairytale, some of it is true to life.

Studies have shown that most youngsters who bully have come from homes where the parents have been either distant, unaffectionate, or abusive. Situations like that tend to have one of two extremes. Either the youth becomes a bully, being aggressive and hostile to others as he has been taught is the "norm" by his lifestyle at home, or they could become quiet and overly shy, almost in a constant beaten-down posture.

When it comes to the ones who bully, the type of counseling and education needed should consist of them fully owning up to their actions, and taught empathy, but these things need to be in conjunction with consistent negative responses for the behavior, as mentioned in the previous post. They have to fully grasp that their bullying behavior will constantly lead to negative consequences before they will fully grasp the counseling on the other end.

Studies show that some simple questions that can be used in counseling bullies in this manner, which will assist them in reaching a desired end, include such questions as: Why did you do it? - Why is what you did a bad thing? - Who does it hurt? - What were you expecting to accomplish with your actions? - Next time you wish to reach the same goal, how do you think you could do so without hurting someone else?

People who are bullies, need to learn to: acknowledge their actions - acknowledge the negative results of those actions - develop a distaste for the negative consequences that came upon them as a result of their actions - desire to change those actions to avoid the consequences - find other ways to get what they desired - acknowledge how their actions negatively affect others - feel regret for hurting others - learn to trust others and not seek to get instant gratification from them - form a healthy relationship with adults.

This is a sequence that leads from point A to point B, and if during the counseling process a student seems to get "stuck" in the process along the way, then additional focus is needed to move them on to the next step. As the bully moves through the process, when they reach the end, the last point will most likely be met by those who were involved in the counseling. The bully needs to respect the counselor, but also in the end, there should be a trust and friendship established with the adult counselors.

Jeff McCormack resides in Virginia Beach, VA. where he works as a web designer by day. In his off time he is a husband, father, mail order book store manager, and musician. Aside from being a freelance writer for this Education Jobsite blog, he also seeks to assist in career choices and information by contributing to other Nexxt blog sites.