The Business of Finding a BFF as an Adult

Making friends becomes more difficult with age. Life presents more challenges that make it harder to get close to new people. Everyone reaches a stage when life focuses priorities on partners, kids and personal crises and doesn’t leave room for much else.

Priorities create a time crunch. People are pickier about who measures up to their friendship criteria and past experience jades optimistic outlooks on perspective peeps. New Found Life’s website states: “As we grow more solidly into who we are ultimately becoming, some friendships refashion themselves to accommodate our changes, some friendships have to fade away, and sometimes new and healthier friendships emerge when we let go of a toxic relationship.”

Despite any hurt friendships in the past, and the extra effort required to build relationships with new people, it’s important to health and happiness to have a support group stocked with true blue friends. People shouldn’t wait until a major life shift happens to start socializing. Moving, divorce, loss of a loved one, or kids heading off to college can cause people to look around and wonder where their social circle went.

What makes a forever friend stick around instead of slipping off into the realm of acquaintances? Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro  sums up for the New York Times what sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: "proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other." She explains that this is why so many people meet their lifelong friends in college.

So what are adults supposed to do to make friends after college has come and gone? Get a job. The workplace offers an abundance of opportunities to cross over from networking and turn contacts into comrades.

Suzanne Brooks, a 45-year-old client care and marketer in Toronto told Chatelaine, “Almost all of my most meaningful relationships are as a result of where I worked. Relationships at work bring a new dynamic to the culture. In fact, two of her best friends she met through work and they've been there for her through a few personal challenges. I've loved and lost, and found love again and the support I found at work from friends got me through some exceptionally traumatic events in my life.” She reminisces, “I look back with great fondness for those that were there for me.”

To foster friendships at work:

• Keep the office door open to assert an atmosphere of approachability.
• Discover a common experience shared with coworkers like favorite vacation spots or football teams.
• Plan a staff event to act as an icebreaker.

Not every coworker is destined to be a instant bestie though. Rachel Collins (via Facebook), commented that workplace friendships do change in importance with personal circumstances. “When I was in my 20s, I had a great group of friends at one company where we all got together after work and had great times together. I’m good friends with them today, even though we’ve all moved on with new jobs and new cities. But now that I am in my 30s, married, with a new house, while it’s nice to have people you get along with and like at work, my priority is salary over friends. I have more commitments and so I don’t care if I have lunch alone or don’t have great conversations first thing in the morning.”

Don’t give up on anyone too quickly though. According to CNN making friends at work is a great way to get a promotion. Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work says, "How much you give at work directly affects how much you get at work."  Put forth the best possible effort to find a new friend at work and convert a business buddy into a best buddy.

Image complements of Stuart Miles at Free Digital Photos.