Making Communications Personal

Last week I was at the grocery store and after everything was tallied up and I had completed the debit card process, I waited for my receipt. The checker was staring first at the ceiling, then at the spot where the receipt would pop out from the register, and then started talking to the bagger. The receipt snaked out, and without missing a syllable, she continued her conversation, breaking for a second to mutter “thank you” over her shoulder. She did this without once looking at me…not in my eyes, at my face or even in my general direction.

This has become such a common occurrence that I wonder if it is just poor manners, a general disinterest of service people to customers, or a by-product of a generation that is so used to staring at little digital screens for communications that they are uncomfortable with real people. Looking someone straight in the eye while conversing used to be the mark of a professional, giving a personal touch to an otherwise impersonal act of service. Looking someone in the eyes makes a connection, puts you in touch, and opens the possibility for conversation. Though social networking likes to say it helps build relationships, and LinkedIn will give the number of “connections” a person has on his home page, it seems that the more we are “connected” online, the more we are disconnected in person.

It is an old trick of time management to arrange your work space so that your desk doesn’t face the doorway of your office or cubicle. Why? Because if you face the doorway, you run the risk of making eye contact with someone passing by. Once you make that eye contact, it’s like a missile locked in on its target. Eye contact is an invitation that reads, “Come on in, sit down and chat awhile. Make yourself comfortable.” For time management, it’s a great time waster. The wrong people can misread a glance for an invitation. Heaven forbid that we would actually have to talk to someone.

I gave a speech recently, and sent the videotape to a noted professional speaker friend of mine to evaluate and give some feedback. He had lots of good things to say about my gestures, voice tones and expression, my enthusiasm and smile. What needed improvement? I didn’t make eye contact with the audience! I was using some props and a flipchart, and unknown to me, I was talking more to them than the audience. At least it appeared that way, since I was looking more at them than at the people. Making eye contact draws people in, makes them feel special, important. When speaking to a group, my friend told me, you need to fix on a person for about three to five seconds and then move on to another throughout the speech, to make it personal. Even if you forget what you are going to say, find a friendly face in the audience.

Whether you are in customer service, dealing with co-workers or speaking to a group of friends or strangers, eye contact is the key to making real connections that enable meaningful communications.

Mary Nestor-Harper, SPHR, is a workplace consultant, blogger, motivational speaker and freelance writer for communicationsjobs.net. Based in Savannah, GA, her work has appeared in Training magazine, Training & Development magazine, Supervision, BiS Magazine and The Savannah Morning News. When she’s not writing, she enjoys singing Alto II with the Savannah Philharmonic Chorus and creating original gift items available on http://www.etsy.spoolhardy.com/. You can read more of her blogs at communicationsjobsblog.net and view additional job postings on Nexxt.