Beware of the Criticism Zombies

Can exposure to too much complaining really make you dumb? Will listening to someone complain over time alter your attitude and make you negative as well? According to an Inc. com article, “Listening to Complainers Is Bad for Your Brain” by Minda Zetlin, listening to 30 minutes or more of negativity, even on television, can turn your brain to mush. The research comes from a book by Trevor Blake—Three Simple Steps: A Map to Success in Business and in Life. 

If you’ve ever sat through a three-hour business meeting with nothing but complaints and whining, you’d probably agree. Whiners and complainers are real downers. They waste time hashing over problems without a solution in sight. While personal experience might validate the research, a closer look at what some consider complaining can shed new light on the subject.

A lot of people mistake feedback for complaining. Complainers rarely have a solution or even positive suggestion to solve a problem. They will discuss a situation or a perceived transgression ad nauseum every chance they get. When they turn the focus on another person’s work habits, presentation style or leadership abilities, they’ve crossed the line. 

On the other hand, constructive feedback is worth listening to. Constructive feedback is valuable, and what makes it constructive feedback is the intent to help someone improve. How many times have you suffered through a coworker’s boring PowerPoint presentation? Everyone claps at the end, but no one is brave enough to tell him it stunk and how to fix it. Maybe you’ve approached someone after a particularly bad presentation with some helpful hints, and got a less-than-enthusiastic response. Maybe the presenter thought you were just complaining, when you were trying to save him from another embarrassing moment. 

The article suggests three ways to combat complainers and save your brain. While I agree complainers should be avoided, use these alternative tactics to recognize constructive feedback:

1. “Get some distance (from complainers).” If you find someone who is willing to give you constructive feedback, draw them closer. It’s not easy to hear you’re falling short or making mistakes. In Toastmasters, the Grammarian is a minor meeting role with a powerful impact. This person listens to every speaker and records the number of times they use annoying non-words like “ahs” and “ums,” and reports his findings at the end of the meeting. It’s a real eye-opener.  Your mom or BFF will tell you you’re awesome when you’re not. Honest constructive feedback that helps correct an annoying habit is golden.
    
2. “Ask the complainer to fix the problem.” Good advice for a real complainer. You’ll miss some valuable feedback if you always think the other person is at fault. It’s easy to point out everyone else’s shortcomings, but hard to point out your own. Constructive feedback can come from anyone. Listen to the message and weigh the merits. Do you always come late for meetings? Are your assignments incomplete? Do you put things off on others? Do you take off early when everyone else stays late to meet a deadline? The “whiner” can be your best friend if you’re willing to consider YOU may be the problem after all.
    
3. “Shields Up!” The article cites strategies to mentally block out the complainers with a protective mental “shield” that separates you from the noise. Drift off to a mental desert island or wrap up in Harry Potter’s protective cloak. In other words, stop listening. Tune the complainers out. This tactic is a good defense against true complainers, but you could miss some valuable feedback if you automatically tune out everyone who wants to give you advice. Listen first. Process the information and take a long, honest look at yourself. If you’ve heard the same comments before, especially from several different people, the comments probably have some merit. Sometimes we put up the shields too fast. Instead, sort out the complaints from honest feedback. You may find those you considered complainers are actually valuable coaches intent on your success.