7 Ways to Complain with Style

This is the season of gifting, and after the gift opening frenzy come the returns. How can you approach the return line with style instead of dread?

Complaining, voicing dissatisfaction, whining, bad-mouthing, **itching. No matter what you call it, when you do it you run the risk of offending and putting people on the defensive. Keeping silent—stuffing your unhappy feelings down can cause you stress and prolong the feelings of dissatisfaction. You may avoid an unpleasant situation, but not returning an item costs you money and the opportunity to enjoy the item in question. Here are some suggestions for complaining with style that you can use all year long.

1. Examine your feelings and determine the cause of dissatisfaction. Is the gift really that bad? Is it something that you will never use or wouldn’t re-gift? Your feelings about the giver may be overshadowing the value of the gift. If you’re mad at your husband, it wouldn’t matter whether the diamond bracelet was one carat or ten. Separate your feelings for the giver from the gift.
2. Assign a level of dissatisfaction before you hit the return line. On a scale of one to five, with one being the highest, just how bad is the problem? Most complaint situations are not life threatening or intentional. We’ve all seen people go ballistic in the return line over what seems to be an insignificant problem. Assigning a level of dissatisfaction beforehand can help you see the situation clearly.
3. Plan on waiting in line for awhile. Bring a magazine to read, answer emails, text your friends, catch up on Facebook, Tweet or engage in some other activity to help pass the time. Constantly assessing the line and the people in front of you can add to your stress and irritation level once it’s your turn.
4. Remember that the customer service representative or sales clerk isn’t the one who made the product and is not responsible for its flaws. They most likely didn’t design the return process and they have to follow certain steps in order to process your return. They are not the enemy! Treat them with respect and understanding, and they will do the same.
5. Avoid the word “you” when describing the problem. “You sold me this shirt and you didn’t remove the security tag and now I have to come back which is taking up so much time,” or “You have kept me waiting for an hour in this line!” Most likely, the person you are speaking to wasn’t even at the point of sale, and they are just doing their job. The word “you” is accusatory and makes people defensive, setting the stage for an argument that takes even more time.
6. Drop the adjectives, like stupid, ridiculous, worthless—and profanity—from your complaint. It may make you feel better, but you may get escorted out of the store by security and an invitation never to return.
7. Call ahead or search the store’s website for their return policy. Gather receipts, packaging, and all the accessories before heading out to the store. Also, find out if you have to return it to the store where it was purchased or any location, or if online if purchases have to be mailed or can be returned to a local store. There is no point waiting in line at the store for hour when you now have to go home, package it up and spend more time at the post office. Be informed and follow the process to make returns faster with less hassle.

Mary Nestor-Harper, SPHR, is a freelance writer, blogger, and workplace consultant. Based in Savannah, GA, her work has appeared in "Training" magazine, "Training & Development" magazine, "Supervision," "Pulse" and "The Savannah Morning News." You can read her blogs at www.skirt.com/savannahchick, www.workingsmartworks.blogspot.com/ and on the web at www.mjnhconsulting.com.